Listo H. Bedlam ([info]basalisk) wrote,
@ 2004-01-03 16:18:00
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Into the mercy seat I climb
My head is shaved, my head is wired
And like a moth that tries
To enter the bright eye
I go shuffling out of life
Just to hide in death awhile
And anyway I never lied.
My kill-hand is called E.V.I.L.
Wears a wedding band that's G.O.O.D.
`Tis a long-suffering shackle
Collaring all that rebel blood.
And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

-Mercy Seat, Nick Cave

If Ya'll haven't heard it, I suggest ya' do. A man in the electric chair and his thoughts. Heard while on mushrooms, but still sounded gggggrrrrreat the next day.
Last day at my job. Yesterday my boss and I went to go piss on our competitions window (drunk as shit) but the owner was sitting inside, in the dark (very surreal) so we continued our walk (wine glasses in hand) to the scotch bar in the alley. Threw our glass onto dumpsters and got completely shit-fucked-face-drunk (look it up in Websters Old World Dictionary). Tonight, I suspect, will be very similar.
May peace be with you, may we all see each other in the electric chairs.

By the way, spell check suggested Jogjakarta as the correct spelling to gggggrrrreat.



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[info]blacknihil
2004-01-03 04:33 pm UTC (link)
You heard the Johnny Cash version? I'm partial to it.

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The mayor takes a stand!
(Anonymous)
2004-01-13 06:21 pm UTC (link)
That's because Johny Cash was a brilliant musician, and Nick Cave... well...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]necrobutcher
2004-01-05 02:36 pm UTC (link)
I spell checked Jogjakarta and it suggested Gggggrrrrreat.
Ho to the Mo

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[info]cyrvyx
2004-01-05 08:45 pm UTC (link)
Nick Cave Rocks! I am addicted.

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Dang it
[info]docschwop
2004-01-10 06:19 pm UTC (link)
I was going to ask if you'd heard the johnny cash version of it too. Guess that just shows to go how original I am...

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[info]brynwulf
2004-01-13 01:01 pm UTC (link)
Joshua:

You are loved, remembered and mourned. You will always have a place in our hearts.

We hope you find peace, friend.

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[info]tungsten
2004-01-14 04:57 pm UTC (link)
You FUCKER! I never hurt you like this. I just talked to you a few weeks ago, this fucking year and told you I loved you and I fucking mean it.

BEAT ME BREAK ME FUCK ME KILL ME
Gouge out my eyes with a rusty nail
But don't have done this.

I wish I could go back in time
I wish I could go back in place
I wish I could save you from your wicked self
kicked your demons asses and taken them to tea
But thats just a fantasy a dreadful dream
You've robbed the world of your voice
your smile, your laugh, your intense presence.

And I miss you like crazy. And I'll never be able to do anything about it. You Asshole. I will always love, remember, and miss you.
Your friend. ALWAYS

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[info]blacknihil
2004-01-14 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Listo my friend...

Just heard the werd from the beautiful Miss Anna...

I don't know what to say man. I knew you were a tortured soul- but I never dreamed it would come down to this.

I just hope you're doing better, wherever you went.

And if you're in the sixth circle of Hell my brother, give Sartre a kick in the nuts for me.

Peace, Dana.

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You broke my heart
[info]cyrvyx
2004-01-15 01:16 am UTC (link)
i dont want to know why or what you were thinking in those last moments of truth and blindness but you have cheated me.
I saw you as a great artist and visionary of our time.
I feel robbed of a huge part of my life. We were the Andersons and were to crash funerals until we were 80 but now I will be attending yours at the age of 24. What the fuck happened. We talked about growing old and sitting in our rockers on the front porch heckling at the neighborhood kids about our acid trips in highschool and whatever...
I lost my Joshy! My Mr.Anderson! The one person who could get a way with anything as long as you smiled but why this.
You have failed us. I wish I could have been there to stop this insanity.
Now all I have left are my memories and the profound affect you have had on my life and everyone that knew you.
I am sickened by these thoughts.
your last email to me will be with me forever in my heart. You were a best friend, closer than a sibling to me, my best man at my wedding, my inspiration and now you are gone forever.

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[info]zzxno
2004-01-15 02:55 am UTC (link)
And then you were gone without even the decency to leave us some last words. I want to think that this was your plan all along. The most painful thought is that it was a whim, something that would have passed in a few hours had someone been there to prevent it.

You are a selfish bastard, and we are going to tell you so once we find you on the other side....

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Listo forum
[info]princemyshkin
2004-01-15 11:13 am UTC (link)
I don't really have too many people's email address... so I hope that enough will see this and spread the word. I've created a forum where anyone who wants to can come and talk about Josh, post comments, rant, rage, share any old storries and memories.

http://peripherystowe.org/forum/list.php?f=6

(Reply to this)


[info]aerolyn1
2004-01-15 06:49 pm UTC (link)
Fucking Damnit.

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[info]glitterus
2004-01-16 11:01 am UTC (link)
Fuck. Seriously. Fuck. In the words of my mom... "That guy with beautiful smile?" Fuck.

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[info]kl8n
2004-01-17 01:16 am UTC (link)
There's a hole in me now and no one else will ever be able to fill it. I love you more than I probably ever told you, you fucking asshole. I wish I could convince myself that you're somewhere smoking cigarettes and drinking wine and having brilliant conversations with Kafka and Sartre and Joyce and Dali. You're one of my best friends. You're my brother. You're my partner in crime. You made not fitting in the world easier because you didn't fit either and you set an example for us all by showing just how unnecessary it is to fit in the world. Alas, my brother, you were born at the wrong time. You were too incredible for the world as it is now. But I wish you were still in it right here and right now all the same.

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Farewell
[info]ils_approach
2004-01-20 09:08 am UTC (link)
Perhaps I didn't know you as well as I would have liked, but in the few times that I did meet you and talk with you... you were one of the wittiest, funniest, and interesting people I've ever met. I wish that I knew something that we could have done. I know that J and I were looking forward to coming and visiting you in CO. Now, we're just left with funny memories of a funny toast at our wedding. I was honored that you agreed to step in for my friend who could not make our wedding. It was a great day with you there.

I hope we all take notice of what is around us more because of you - if nothing else - that will make something good come out of this.

Pax.

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[info]bonvogue
2004-01-29 11:40 am UTC (link)
Last night was your memorial. Tho I cried and wailed after I got home, I am also touched by the many facets of you. All the stories I have heard completed the image of you that I never ceased to love and amazed.

I had a dream about you, that you walked into the memorial, laughing. Tho you walked out really fast, I didn't know if it was the soul of you. I had been using dial hand soap for a while now, did you know that I did so I can be reminded of your scent.

I love you dearly, always will. I only wish that your conviction will bring you peace. In the next life, I also hope our affinities will bring us together again...

(Reply to this)

goddam
[info]catbite
2004-02-05 03:01 pm UTC (link)
Wish I'd never turned you on to that freakin' song. I think you took it too seriously. Love you always

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[info]necrobutcher
2004-04-22 04:49 am UTC (link)
It's been almost 4 months, and I still think about you everyday. I think of all the adventures we had, all the people we fucked with for our own sick amusement. I remember the sharing of girlfriends and the eating of acid (or trying anything else we heard can make you hallucinate, like smoking nutmeg). I miss you coming over all the time and crashing on our couch, playing Grand Theft Auto 3 like it was going out of style and watching horror movies all night, good or bad (usually the bad ones were the best).

Haley and I would have probably come down to visit you by now. I wish I could have hung out with you one more time. I mean, I wish I could hang out with you for the rest of my life, but I guess you thought differently. I wanted to see how you were in Colorado, in the place you said seemed like it was made just for you.

You had me fooled, you fucker. I thought you were genuinely happy there. You always sounded happy when I talked to you on the phone every other day. You always told me that everything was okay, even when I asked if you were lying to me.

Shit, I miss you still, so much.

You fucking asshole.

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[info]bonvogue
2004-05-24 07:27 am UTC (link)
I saw Coffee and Cigarette, I think you would have loved it!

I saw many shadows of you in that movie...

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[info]catbite
2004-05-29 07:26 pm UTC (link)
Hope you don't think it's too corny, but I wanted to show you the icon Meg made for me. Maybe it's too cute, but heck, I don't care.
xoxo

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...
[info]ex_strages807
2004-05-31 07:32 pm UTC (link)
I guess there just aren't words still...
Why am I here reading this again?

I'm not sure today.


I guess I just had a thought of the Dr. for one second.

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[info]docwebster
2004-06-21 03:38 am UTC (link)
"He will not grow old, like we who are left grow old/Age shall not weary him, nor the years condemn/After going down of the sun, and in the morning/We will remember him."

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(Deleted post)

[info]necrobutcher
2004-07-10 11:38 am UTC (link)
You are a fucking cunt. I hope you are raped and murdered...

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[info]redhead_of_doom
2004-07-17 04:11 pm UTC (link)
Even now after a few months I still can't seem to get over it. Wasn't it just yesterday you moved away? And then I remember, and like a sledgehammer to the fucking head i can still see it all... Now I don't know whether to be angry or sad.

fucking hell......

if i could see you again i would probaly bitch slap you first, then hug you until your ribs broke, then bitch slap you again.

bastard


i miss you still

(Reply to this)


[info]bonvogue
2004-09-17 03:34 pm UTC (link)
I've.sent.an.email.to.Dr.Listo.just.about.things.that.never.end.

Love,
me

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[info]tungsten
2004-10-03 09:04 am UTC (link)
hey josh, i could tell this to your ashes but... well.. i wanted to speak to your last thoughts.

Jaime just found out the other day. One more loose end.

Funny, you were so cool, so yourself, so funk folk punk rock heavy metal spasm of schwoogly madness that no one could even meet you without being imprinted with your impression, and the lucky ones of us got to know you and be your friend. Your perversity was your calling card.

Just one more loose end.

Fuck you Josh. I love you. but Fuck you.

PS. Your ashes partially reside in the schwooglependance fire pit, at the schoogleberry tree, at the old ent down by rohan, in the cuts of your friends, and on an alter.

PPS. Fuck you Josh.

PPPS. I really do love you. Fuck you.

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[info]catbite
2004-10-25 08:54 pm UTC (link)
I wish you were here to see number 28. You are my-boyfriend-in-a-jar now. Where do you want to go? Let me know and I'll take you there.

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[info]bonvogue
2004-12-27 04:24 pm UTC (link)
Soon will be that time. And your LJ will probably be an orgy of comments.

I just want to write to you. Because today last year was the last you had called me. The call was short, because you found me changed and I found you distanced. I remembered that I wanted your affirmation so bad. Why you had to go so sudden was never really answered. There was a time, I feared you will put me in a box, old dusty yellow, forgotten. Now that the time has came and past, you are part of my memory.

I wonder where is the purple notebook. That gift I never received in time. I wonder what words had you put in. Any secrets I can decipher. I am sipping black tea, and the leaves in the bottom had settled from it's restless whirling. You are an expert in tea. Assam is your preferred choice, and elegant you drank, always with a spoon, wrapping the tea bag w/the string to drain the last drop of the favor. I can't deny how much I admire and fantasized about you. In lives to come, I really do hope our affinities will carry through eternity and someday, somehow we will meet again.

For now, I think it is time for me to let you go. Good life, old friend.

Love,
Anna

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[info]necrobutcher
2005-06-10 12:08 am UTC (link)
Reading these comments still make me cry, even though it's been over a year.

I miss him so bad. I like to think that he is around still, watching us, and that we will all see him again. But this goes against everything I believe.

*sigh*

Fucking shit... I want my best friend back

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]necrobutcher
2005-10-29 05:41 pm UTC (link)
Happy late birthday Josh.
You are still 27 ; ;

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My Joshie
(Anonymous)
2005-12-02 10:40 pm UTC (link)
It's amazing that almost two years later, it hurts just as much. I miss you My Joshie. I can't stand that you aren't around to scream "Holy Sheep Shit!!!" when I showed up at your door or to hold me so tight it hurt. The day before you left us I was thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you at Gussie's wedding. It was bittersweet to be there without you! You are still missed greatly!
G

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[info]necrobutcher
2005-12-22 01:12 pm UTC (link)
Hey Josh, let's go to Sherry's or Denny's on Christmas day to watch all the sad people who go there because they have no family to eat dinner with, and talk about what they must be feeling, then say terrible shit about them because we are assholes. You know, like we do every year.

Oh wait. You're dead.

So, about that sign you promised to give me... was that it? Or am I just looking too much into random bullshit? Lemme know.

Oh wait. You're dead.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bonvogue
2006-01-11 08:51 pm UTC (link)
I found this song today, and it made me think of him, all over again.

Did I disappoint you or let you down? / Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? / 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, / Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. / So I took what's mine by eternal right. / Took your soul out into the night. / It may be over but it won't stop there,/ I am here for you if you'd only care. / You touched my heart you touched my soul. / You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when, / My heart was blinded by you. / I've kissed your lips and held your head. / Shared your dreams and shared your bed. / I know you well, I know your smell. / I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover. / Goodbye my friend. / You have been the one. / You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake, / You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. / And as you move on, remember me, / Remember us and all we used to be / I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. / I've watched you sleeping for a while. / I'd be the father of your child. / I'd spend a lifetime with you. / I know your fears and you know mine. / We've had our doubts but now we're fine, / And I love you, I swear that's true. / I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover. / Goodbye my friend. / You have been the one. / You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine. / In mine when I'm asleep. / And I will bear my soul in time, / When I'm kneeling at your feet. / Goodbye my lover. / Goodbye my friend. / You have been the one. / You have been the one for me. / I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. / I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

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[info]catbite
2006-01-12 08:13 pm UTC (link)
Two years!!!!! I miss you like mad.
Oh hell.
xoxoxo

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[info]blacknihil
2006-01-22 02:47 am UTC (link)
Just checking in Listo. It's been, what, two years all ready? Damn. I guess you're like my own personal online Jim Morrison or something...

I now own (I think) the complete Tom Waits discography. His early stuff sucks.

The Train Wreck is still wrecking...currently in law skool.

Peace Dude.

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[info]necrobutcher
2006-02-03 01:12 pm UTC (link)
I'm sorry for the delay.

The book starts tomorrow. I will try not to mess things up.

I still have too many dreams about you.

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[info]changita_flaca
2006-02-19 04:58 am UTC (link)
So two years late I'm jumping on the talk to dead-josh bandwagon but only because I saw a man beating the shit out of a newspaper dispenser with his deformed arm while his perfecting good arm just sat there. No one else thinks this is funny.

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[info]tungsten
2007-04-03 01:33 am UTC (link)
Where the fuck were you the night before last when I needed someone to steal me from reality for a while in the midst of multiple madnesses?

I heard a musician from Lithuania named Mika recently and thought, Mr. C would probably like this guy.

Its been 3 years and 1 season since you had to fuck shit up, and the hole is still there, there's just a lot of other shit too to make the hole less noticeable.

I'm kind of shocked your LJ is still here after all this time. The holes you left in your friends will go to our graves though.

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[info]snerfthewhipple
2007-09-28 01:23 pm UTC (link)
This morning, I find it strange that nothing has changed here.

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Today, I remmeber this.
[info]bonvogue
2008-01-06 07:33 pm UTC (link)
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.

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[info]bonvogue
2008-08-02 01:40 am UTC (link)
so I was reading some of the own things you wrote, and I felt like vomit. I guess you will always be you.

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[info]tungsten
2008-10-11 10:16 pm UTC (link)
All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

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